Fear of Noticing Floaters in the Eye: Update

One of the posts that gets a lot of response, even though it is from 2010, is Floaters in the Eye and OCD Vision. The post resonates with people who fear that the floaters will impede all enjoyment of vision. Part of my fear at first, in 1988, was that something was seriously wrong, but then after seeing an ophthalmologist, it became a fear of always noticing the floaters and having my life ruined by that, and yet now I don't notice them most of the time. 

I went to a museum this summer with a very bright white room, and it made me really notice my floaters. It was not pleasant, and I wanted to leave, but it didn't dog me after that. In the past, I would have kept trying to see if the the floaters were still there, ever increasing my brain's vigilance and anxiety. Because of all the ERP therapy in the past, I was able to let it go once I left the white room. Do I want to go back to that museum room? No, not really. Do I find it annoying that they advertised how fabulous the art looked in that room ~ yes!! But it didn't ruin my experience of the day, and that is real progress for me.

If you have been evaluated by an ophthalmologist, then I would next look to find an Exposure and Response Prevention therapist or check out the International OCD Foundation or read Jonathan Grayson's Freedom from OCD, to work on the obsessing about the floaters never going away.  You can work with an ERP therapist to find the most feared consequence of seeing the floaters in your eyes, and work on an exposure that deals with that, perhaps a script you listen to, or moving on with daily activities instead of stopping to focus on the floaters, and learning to habituate to the anxiety so it dissipates. 

I actually stopped noticing the floaters most of the time even before I went for treatment for other aspects of my health anxiety OCD.  If you contemplate your experience, you may remember symptoms that receded, even though at the time it seemed like they never would.  Sometimes it was a rotating worry from one thing to the next ~ ERP helps you get off the Merry-Go-Round.  Does hearing about other people's health issues still make me anxious? Yes.  I had a talk with someone last week which turned into her describing her retinal detachment, and I could feel an upsurge of anxiety, but again, I could let it go because I will never have 100% reassurance that nothing bad will happen, and yet I can still live my life.  

Participate in an Online Survey about Childhood Experiences and OCD

Graduate Student Jenna Feldman is working on another research project at Yeshiva University.  She asked me to post the link to her survey about childhood experiences and OCD, and invite you to participate.


Online Survey about Childhood Experiences and OCD

If you are an adult (age >18) and suffer from the symptoms of OCD you are invited to complete an online survey about your symptoms as well as certain childhood experiences that some people have. This study is being conducted by the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology at Yeshiva University. If you consent to participate in this study you will complete a series of anonymous questionnaires that ask you questions about your childhood experiences and emotions. The survey should take approximately 45 minutes to complete. If you elect to participate you will have the option to be entered into a raffle for one of four $50 gift cards. To learn more about the study please follow the link below:

https://yeshiva.co1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_bJHeDO4h3NzZzyR

Anxiety in Creative Business: Tara Swiger and Encouragement that You Can Move Forward

This podcast on Depression and Anxiety in Creative Business from Tara Swiger caught my attention, and I wanted to write about it. Tara also sent this introduction to a follow up webinar:

Studies show that 1 in 5 adults deal with mental health issues at least once in their life.

And yet, there's so much shame and stigma about talking about this.And still, in the last few months dozens of students and friends have told me about their depression, anxiety, or struggles with their kids health.
I understand not everyone is called to talk about their experience publicly...but when we ALL stay quiet, the stigma grows strength. So today on the podcast, I'm getting honest.
You’re not alone in this.
You are NOT alone in struggling with this. And as I share, I want you to remember – whatever you’re struggling with, not only are you not alone, but you can also move forward WITH IT. Exactly as you are. People are doing it. You don’t have to be different, better, or “more together” to make a business thrive.

I have a creative business, and when I have anxiety, sometimes I come to a halt in the belief that I can't move forward WITH IT.  But the truth is I started creating art in the depths of my anxiety, and went on to start my Etsy shop in 2007 just a few months after I began Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy for my OCD.  The Exposure for me was to create the shop without knowing if it was "perfect" or the right photos, or the right descriptions, or whether anyone would ever want to buy anything. 

Tara describes how reading about intolerance of uncertainty resonated with her when thinking about her own anxiety, and this is a key theme of mine as well.  All those What If questions, the desire to know how things will turn out before they happen.

Struggling with manually creating Wordpress website for my business was the next step to realize I was compulsively researching how to do it, when in fact, I needed something simpler, and the anxiety of letting go of the idea that I needed to know how to do things before I knew how to do them.  

A turning point was at a craft show, when a woman spent a long time checking each of my items for the most "perfect" one.  The piece that the craft show customer liked the best wasn't the most flawless in her eyes, so she told me she was choosing another one that had no visible defect.  Talking with my ERP therapist, I recognized myself in this woman.  Shopping for anything would drag on because I couldn't decide if a "flaw" would mesmerize me forever or eventually fade, and I would get angry at myself for latching onto such tiny things.  

It was huge to know I was making imperfect art, but that I wanted to do it anyway.  That I did not want to walk away from something I truly loved, because it was flawed.  I now work full time in my creative business, and yes, when anxiety flares up it is difficult, but part of the difficulty is in believing that I must entirely banish the anxiety to accomplish anything, and that it is a sign that I am a "bad person" if I feel anxious. The underlying premise of Exposure Therapy is that you can move forward through the anxiety, that it is possible, and for this encouragement, I am grateful.