|Hope Mosaic by Exposure Woman|
Awhile back, one of my readers asked if I would post some of my art. This is an even bigger exposure than making a video about my OCD for my last post! As I wrote in Your one wild and precious life, my love of art gives me strength for facing my OCD. The joy I feel when making art is something that allowed me a glimmer of hope that my life could be my own, rather than in the thrall of OCD.
Hope means looking forward to something, and some suggest that it is related to hop, to leaping in expectation.
The first time I read an article by Jonathan Grayson about obsessing about obsessing, I felt a leap of hope that someone understood what I was experiencing, the angst that I would do something to trigger my obsessing, and trying to figure out if I really was obsessing. Grayson believed that exposure therapy could work for obsessions of the mind.
Meeting my exposure therapist, Leonard, for the first time also made my heart leap with hope. He was a worthy foe of my OCD.
None of these things meant I was certain I'd get better or that someone could help me or that I could do exposures and survive them. OCD had been demanding I be certain for quite some time--certain I had OCD, certain I had the right therapist, certain I was doing my exposures correctly--and this eroded my hope in the guise of helping me. If your OCD is anything like mine it may sound like this:
You don't have enough hope. You'll never get better. What are the signs of hope in your life? Figure that out. Do a search on the effects of hope on dealing with mental illness. What is wrong with you? Why do you feel despair? You'll never get better.Whoever you are, if you suffer with anxiety and the exhaustion of worries chasing each other, remember that there is hope. It is possible to get better. It is possible to claim your one wild and precious life. You are not broken, irredeemable, beyond mending or repair or healing. If you don't have hope, you can borrow some of mine.
H is for Hope