Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Wave of Sadness

I found out yesterday when I went to work that it was my last day. I am being laid off and my department closed. I am still dazed. The other layoffs happened while I was on vacation. I packed up my things, which took awhile since I've been there for 12 years. My supervisor was very compassionate, and I could tell he didn't want this to happen to me.

I am feeling very sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to the people at work. It's a hard thing to comprehend. I had projects in process, and now they are abandoned. I also have a lot of apprehension about losing health insurance, income, and having too much time to focus on my body and my OCD thoughts. It helped to see my therapist today.

I cried when my husband told me that we needed to make sure we found a way for me to keep seeing my therapist, because he knows that will help me deal with the loss, and that he wants me to enjoy my life, that this is important to him. I am very grateful he is in my life.

I regretfully canceled my trip to the IOCDF Conference in order to conserve funds. I am disappointed I will not get to meet some of the wonderful readers of this blog! I hope that at some point in the future, our paths will cross.


  1. So sorry to hear that! Do you plan on trying to find a new job? I hope your husband has one that can float you through for now!
    I'm rooting for you. And hey - maybe there's a silver lining to this. Perhaps starting a new job will get you out of an OCD rut. Change always helps me with that.

  2. Wow, I am so sorry! Though I have never met you and only know you through your writing which I discovered just a few months ago, it still breaks my heart to hear that you are going through this. I, myself, am a bit dazed. I feel like I can relate to you so much through your posts here, and it saddens me that someone who seems like they are probably such a wonderful person, someone who has remotely and probably unknowingly helped me considerably, has had this happen.

    That your husband thinks it is important for you be able to continue to see your therapist is very touching. I sincerely hope that you can and that it helps!

    In general, I wish you the best in everything and hope that you can find a new job, if that is what you seek. I agree with Shana - hopefully, this change will help you challenge OCD in new ways as new opportunities present themselves.

    Good luck, and again, I wish you all the best!

    I hope that our paths do cross in the future, as well. I will miss having the chance to meet the author of this beautiful blog!

  3. That's crazy! No notice? I'm so sorry.

  4. Thank you all for the kind words. My therapist suggested I make a schedule for myself in order to keep moving and not let the OCD take over, so I'm right into new exposures! Yesterday was my usual day off, so today is the first day when I would've been at work, and I'm feeling anxious about how that is going to go.

  5. I ended up going on disability because my job itself was the source of my original OCD fears (handling chemicals), and it got to a point where I could no longer keep up. I was getting better, but not at a rate fast enough to accomplish the work that needed be done and done right then.

    I actually began improving A LOT once I was no longer working, because battling OCD became my full time job. I felt like, if I wasn't working, I had an obligation to work even harder on battling my OCD. I also had far fewer things to focus on or worry about, so I could devote the time I had to pushing myself forward.

    I hope that making a schedule helps and that the extra time allows you to move forward, rather than backwards, in your fight against OCD!

  6. Sinking stomach feeling. So glad you have committed yourself to therapy and scheduling. As I've said before - you are so brave. I know you have the resiliency to get through this and move forward to the next career opportunity.